When time is ticking away, and we are holding on tight to the old things that hold us down, we cannot move to where we are to be.  We precive things in ways that are unnessacary. Why Cry we grieve overthings that cannot be changed. Yet we dont take the time to realize and be thankful for the things we have, nitthe things we dont have..

AAND people wonder why the world is so screwed up.

its a new day

its a new day

i started blogging to just release some of my inner artist that has been misplaced lately.
I know my life is wonderful, and I thank god that I have people in my life that give a damn.  We are lucky at these times to have ones that care so. I'm always feeling like there is something missing, and i realize that being mom and wife comes with everything i could ask for, they give me their all and dont hold back.  I feel as not working hard to pursue something that i love to better my family im sorta failing them, if not them , then me.  I know this is not true, but it doesnt change that feeling.

So Im deciding to take a stand as a wife and as a mother.  To do something for me, not for selfish reasons, but for reasons beyond me or my family.  Ive strong and fabulous and i have lots of knowlage that im ready to let out.  I need an outlet, something that i can put my hands into and get wet. to feel productive; not saying my family doesnt make me feel that way.  But i want ot make something better of me. I want to show my family that there is a reason to support and stand behind me.  I'm always tired or tired, but no more. i konw that your sospot to wait and do it on new years to make a revolution, but not me, and today is mine... I'm going to love me for me and my family.  I'm going to say today is the day i stop making excuses and do what iI know I'm good at.  I'm going ot work hard and make my family proud.. AMEN!

I was talking to a friend yesterday, we were discussing friends that we can only take in small doses. thats bad right?  But dod you not know people that you can only take in small doses im sure all of us do.

You wonder where you are sospost ot go in life. You wonder if you are on the path that the lord made for you.  You look around at others and wonder the same about them, hwat about hte people that cross your paths? are they meant to be in your life? or are they just floating by, our life span seems so short, yet so long. When You are young and want ot grow up, and when your grown you always want to stay young.. aaahhhh the days of being fed and someone taking care of you. i see and hope our little ones get to enjoy it always

Did you know that once apon a time there were dragons? there were mad kings and cruel queens? they could do as they pleasein thire own land to their people for whatever reason.

dreaming.

Meg woke up thinking she was dreaming. She wasnt sure the dream seemed to fade fast. She opened her eyes, it wasnt a dream. He was there stroking her hair gently, wathcing her sleep. He smiled and kissed her, a long passionite kiss. So loving and willing ot be there. What a family she had, maira was at schoo of course. it was just them three. daddyJ and meg, and their newest little one Kya. The night was so over welming, more than just the night, the whole 9 months had been a wirl wind.

who am i

She's everything that any man could want. Although some didin't share the same opinion she had of herself. It's funny how you preceive yourself a cretian way, and others that you know precive you other ways. If you can only be you no matter who is around. i would like to know hat the people i love understand that i am me and i will disapoint, hell im good at that. I always have.. im sospost ot be hell i dont know what m doing. im hoping if i write everyday that artist inside will come through. ive had writers block for several years im sure that there are things inside that are screaming to come out. but what are they and how do i let it out?


Maybe hes rigth that i need help that i need to go to a doctor, but i remeber that i have, over and over and over, nothing is wrong pyhsically. of course except the fact that im clinically over weight. hell theres lots of things that are wrong with me. Ive always took something to deal with it. now im sober for how long since i meet him. wierd or what? i know that it was about htat time. but i never knew that my issues were so deep that i couldnt manage them, i thought it was just that i didnt want to mange them..

how do i go about living not knowing what my limit is? how do i find it out without going over board?

mad maddam

she was so young when she started, she didn't know how to deal with all the emotions that flooded her body. She had just became a mom, sweaty and tired but she was filled with joy. This wasn't her first, but this was the first time she had a man to enjoy the experience with.

Oh how she loved him so, but somehow she know.

Was this right? was he the right one? were they compatible? After a year of being together she was still insure. She was alone for so long that she wasn't sure about the feelings she had for him. Was it cause he was the father of her children? was it cause she was finally tired of being alone? MISS INDEPENDENT...

Was he ready for her life? Was he ready for the turmoil that she has to deal with. does he really understand how much of a mess her life is?

When he does find out what will happen? will he get up and walk out?? I'm sure he nor any sane person would have no problem doing that.

Did she secretly want that ?? Was she that evil that she could hurt him so and not care? Could she make sure that he didn't leave?

"walk in my foot steps, watch how i treated people. See how easy it was for me to turn my back." she remembered how ugly she had been. Was this the punishment she knew knew she'd have to deal with one day? For everything that she put people thought was all her penance enough to have that life and that mad madam disappear..

Her name was Meg. She was a wild woman. long brown flowing hair. beautiful exotic eyes. great bone structur. She was beautful on the outside, she wished she could feel as beautiful on the inside. She was a mother of a 7 year old girl name maira. Who was as beautiful if not more than her mother.

She just gave birth to another girl, maira cried cause she was her sister being born, she had the most wonrderful look when she looked at him, the father of her sister. The only man that shes ever known to be apart of her life. Meg layed there in he sweat, holdin her new baby, the emotions flooded her heart, how she could make such a beautiful child, how someone would want ot bethere to share in the joy of bring a life into this new family. It was ne wto everyone. They all sat together him holding her hand, while she held their daughter, and maira sat on the bed next to her mother, they felt like a family for the first time. it was a gov